An Imperfect Theory

          Being an Indian patriarchal male, I reserve my right to comment on anything and everything under the sun. Well, by everything I mean almost. I am not allowed to speak on matters of religion. Thats out of bounds even for even the "high and mighty", but everything else is on the table. Of course, I am sensible enough not to criticize the government of the day or for that matter any manner of politician. It is not an ideological stand, just survival instincts.

            So no messing up with RELIGION OR POLITICIANS. It still leaves a lot to talk about. I can talk about corruption, everybody does. But this freedom does not necessarily extend to criticizing corrupt people because more often than not they are politicians or corporates or even religion-folks. All no-go areas! Similarly I can comment on issues like governance, healthcare, education, cricket etc but with the aforementioned caveats. So you see, I can have all my rights until I 'm not messing up with the big boys. Thats the thumb rule. But alls not lost for me sir. There is this one subject on which I have an absolute right to comment. It is my forte and nobody questions my judgment here. I feel like a padre of sorts whose words are treated like gospels when I say anything on this. The subject in question is women.

            Yes WOMEN, that class of human species on which I have an unchallenged monopoly of opinion. I am totally free to comment on them in whichever way I fancy. There are no restriction here, at least none worth any consideration. I can say good things about them if I am in a good mood. I can say bad stuffs if I feel like. I can even be nasty if it suits me. This is my court. I can make a sexist comment and pass it off as a joke, I can write vulgar lyrics and say its the "in" thing, I can even pass lurid comments at a girl and make it look like simple fun.

            Oh! and thats not it. I can harass a junior girl in college in the pretext of ragging and I will still be her senior. I can be abusive to my female subordinate and I will still be her boss. I can -from calling her a slut to throwing acid on her face- do anything I want to her if she rejects me and I will still be her lover. I can blame her attire and behavior for her getting raped and I will still be her religious guru. I can defend sexual assaults on her by terming them "boy's mistake" and I will still be her leader. I can do all of this because I know people have done worse and walked free. So what is to stop me? Its not as if everythings gonna change overnight. My half of the gender is firmly on my side. As for them, so long that they are happy with a few seats reserved for them in metros and busses in the name of gender equality, I have nothing to worry. They are so kept in check by their own all the time. Mothers start bugging off their daughters to get married even before she passes out of college. A women chief minister calls a rape a conspiracy. Female doctors gladly carry out female feticides for a few bucks. All this only emboldens me. To be honest, it is my incapacity to be an animal that I am sane towards them. Although I wish it were other way round.

P.s- This piece was intended to be a commentary on issues affecting women before introspection set in.